Are We Nearly There Yet?

The countdown has begun…Four days this week, three and a half next week (fingers crossed I have a babysitter on Thursday for a few hours), one the week after, and blast off! It’s back to pre-school/nursery they go! We’ve recovered from our collective end-of-term exhaustion and spent the last few weeks making and breaking things, fighting like cat and dog one minute and being best buddies the next, all the while laughing and crying in equal measures, and that’s just me and my husband. We’ve had fun in the sun, paddling pool and several parks, been on holiday, had lazy days, borrowed countless library books, performed pyjama drama, chalked all over the flags/fence/garden wall (& kitchen when mummy wasn’t looking), painted, coloured, stickered, done jigsaws, lego, play doh, rode our bike/truck/tractor/scooter, played with moon sand, playpit sand and beach sand, learned new words (not all of them suitable to repeat when back at kindergarten), grown a bit (the kids), shrunk a bit (me), and all got a little bit older and wiser in the process. It’s been fab, not nearly as bad as I feared, better than I could have hoped. But…orrrrrr [aaargh]….are we nearly there yet? [please hurry up 3rd September]…I’m hungry [my enthusiasm is diminishing]…I’m bored [I need some head space]…I WANT THAT! NO I WANT THAT! IT’S MINE! NO IT’S MINE! [I really really really need some peace and quiet!].

So we’re pushing on through this week, with a busy schedule to get us to the weekend! Another weigh-in this morning and another two pounds lost. Critical me couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that it wasn’t more, obviously I want to be slim again, like, now. I know, I know, losing two pounds a week is perfect. I’ve got to keep going, there’s no quick fix (if only), and I would really like to be able to wear my wedding and engagement rings again. I can’t remember what my weight was when they became just too uncomfortable, but I was able to wear them at the end of my last pregnancy so that is weight goal number one. Watch this space.

It was health appointments galore last week whilst my husband was still on holiday from work: dentist, doctors, opticians, chiropractors; even the car got a once-over. I must admit to having a little wobble (mental health speak in our house for having negative thoughts that spiral into a minor meltdown) on the day of our dentist appointment. I had made us a family appointment, mainly because I find it easier to manage potentially tricky situations if my husband is around, particularly as an extra pair of hands and eyes on the boys, as well as for moral support. However when the receptionist called us to go up to the dentist, she asked us loudly across the (full) waiting room to go up two at a time instead of all together. Well if you could see hackles rising, you’d have seen mine from space. The lioness in me roared at the receptionist (who is going to manage my youngest cub whilst I’m lay back looking at the ceiling with my jaws wide open???) whilst feeling humiliated at having to justify why I wanted us all to go together, in front of the waiting room audience, then promptly leapt up the stairs (husband and boys in tow) and roared at the dentist before he could even say come-in. Of course, the dentist was politeness personified and coaxed the lioness back down from fight mode quite easily whilst my husband looked on and smiled that knowing smile. (Luckily his ‘would like to meet’ profile included ‘Latin temperament’). Of course my over-reaction stems from anxiety (This was not as planned/something bad will happen/ I won’t cope). Most of the time, my anxiety level is very low, but at vulnerable moments I struggle. Mind (mental health charity) explain anxiety better than I can here. I relate to the paragraph explaining about being distressed and unable to cope in a particular situation in the past and then if a similar circumstance arises it can trigger the same feelings. The amateur psychologist in me thinks something about having to leave one child and keep the other one with me could have stirred up distress from my hospital admission.

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I am sharing my little wobble simply to encourage awareness of anxiety and its symptoms (explained in the Mind link – if you haven’t looked already look now!). I know it is impossible to expect people to know what someone else is thinking or feeling. I just hope that openness may encourage understanding which may inspire compassion.

Working on my pledge – Time to Change.

Emma x

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